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Q: What has four legs and an arm?
A: A happy pit bull.

Q: Why is a tree like a dog?
A: Because they both lose their bark when they die.

Q: Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund?
A: Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.

Q: What is the difference between a rottweiler and a social worker?
A: It is easier to get your kids back from a rotweiler!

Q: Did you hear about the new breed in pet shops?
A: They crossed a pit bull with a collie; it bites your leg off and goes for help.

Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
A: Elephino.

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas. When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident.

Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"

A nun in the convent walked into the bathroom where mother superior was taking a shower. "There is a blind man to see you," she says. "Well, if he is a blind man, than it does not matter if I'm in the shower. Send him in."

The blind man walks into the bathroom, and mother superior starts to tell him how much she appreciates him working at the convent for them. She goes on and on and 10 minutes later the man interrupts: "That's nice and all, ma'am, but you can put your clothes on now. Where do you want me to put these blinds?

Southern Humor

Q: What do a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce have in common?

A: Someone is going to lose a trailer.

WeeWeeChu

Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I do Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Pedro begged.

"But I wanna just hold your hand and watch the moon." replied Rosita.

Please, corazoncito, just once, do Weeweechu with me."

A Christmas Story

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then, Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When Santa went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out.

When he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. In the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten all the straw off the end of it.

WISH AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE

A RV’ing couple, both born the same year and month, were celebrating their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been so loving she would grant them each one wish.

Very excited, the wife said that since she had already visited most of North America in her RV she would like to visit Europe. The fairy waved her magic wand; airline tickets instantly appeared in her hand.

Then it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said with a sly look, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy waved her wand, and presto, he was 90.

MISTAKEN IDENTITY

A dog was resting in a campground and an RVer was reading nearby on a lawn chair.

"Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?" a recently arrived camper asked. The RVer looked up over his newspaper and replied, "Nope."

Yet when the camper approached the animal, it began snarling and growling, and then attacked his legs. After pulling away from the crazed animal, he yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"

The RVer muttered, "Ain't my dog."

THE GOOD OL’ DAYS

A couple of elderly RVers who'd recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary were sitting on the sofa in their Airstream motor home, when the wife said, "Dear, do you remember how you used to sit close to me?" He moved over and sat close to her.

"Dear," she continued, "do you remember how you used to hold me tight?" He reached over and held her tight.

"And," she went on, "do you remember how you used to hug me and kiss me and nibble on my ear?" With that, her husband got up and started to walk toward the rear of the motor home.

"Where are you going?" she asked. "Well," answered the husband, "I have to get my teeth.

SAVED BY HER WINNEBAGO

A young, pregnant RV’er named Sally was involved in a traffic accident, but because she was riding in a sturdy Winnebago, she survived, although she was left in a coma. When she awoke a few days later in the hospital she was no longer pregnant! She asked her doctor, "What happened?"

He replied, "Sally, you had twins -- a boy and a girl. Your brother named them for you."

"Oh, no!" shrieked Sally. "Not my brother! His elevator doesn't go to the top floor, if you know what I mean!" The doctor replied, "Well, Sally, your brother named your daughter Denise."

"Whew, that's not so bad," she replied, looking very relieved. Then, hesitantly, she asked, "What's the boy's name?"

"Denephew," he said.

MISTASKEN POSITIONING

Joe and Ed, both from Duluth, Minnesota, were standing in the shallow end of a swimming pool at the Fountain of Youth RV park at California's Salton Sea, discussing how happy they were to be in sunny California rather than being back in frigid Minnesota. As they were talking, Ed noticed something funny about his friend's ear.

"Joe," he said, "do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"

Startled, Joe replied, "I have a suppository in my ear???"

"That's right," said Ed, "you have a suppository in your ear."

Joe immediately pulled it out, then said, "Thanks, buddy. I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I know where I put my hearing aid."

POOR MR. MAXWELL. . .

Few people know that the late Mr. Maxwell, founder of Maxwell House Coffee, was a veteran skydiver and RVer. Near his hometown, it was common to find Mr. Maxwell at the airport in his Avion Fifth Wheel, relaxing and visiting with his many friends as he waited for his next jump. One fateful day, however, something went terribly wrong, and his parachute failed to open. His friends and employees were horrified, to stay the least, at the demise of this very kind and gentle man. And so when it came to preparing his epitaph, they had no problem finding the words: "Mr. Maxwell . . . good to the last drop.